As your parents get older, you may begin to wonder how well they're doing when you're not around. Are they taking care of themselves and staying healthy? Are they safe in their home?
You can learn a lot by paying attention when you visit. When you're in your parents' home, consider these questions.
Are your parents able to take care of themselves?
Pay attention to your parents' appearance. Failure to keep up with daily routines like bathing and brushing teeth could be a sign of dementia, depression or a physical problem. Also look around your parents' home. Are the lights working? Is the heat on? Is the yard overgrown?
Any changes in the way your parents do things around the house could provide clues to their health. For example, scorched pots could mean your parents are forgetting about food cooking on the stove.
Failing to pay bills, having problems shopping and neglecting housework also might be signs of depression, dementia or other concerns.
Are your parents showing signs of memory loss?
Everyone forgets things from time to time. Modest memory problems are a common part of aging. Sometimes side effects of medicine or other health conditions can cause memory loss too.
But there's a difference between typical changes in memory and the type of memory loss that makes it hard to do everyday things like driving and shopping. Signs of this type of memory loss might include:
- Asking the same questions over and over again.
- Getting lost in familiar places.
- Not being able to follow instructions.
- Becoming confused about time, people and places.
Is your parents' house safe enough for them?
Check for red flags in your parents' home. Do they have trouble walking up or down a narrow stairway? Has either parent fallen recently?
Ask them about their medicines. Are they able to read directions on medicine containers? Can your parents explain how they set up or take their medicines?
Are your parents safe on the road?
Driving can be challenging for older adults. If your parents become confused while driving or you're concerned about their ability to drive safely, it might be time for them to stop driving. This may be especially true if they've been getting traffic tickets or been in an accident.
Have your parents lost weight?
Losing weight without trying could be a sign that something's wrong. Weight loss could be related to many factors, including:
- Difficulty cooking. Your parents might not have the energy to cook. Or they may have trouble grasping kitchen tools or reading labels on food products.
- Loss of taste or smell. Your parents might not be interested in eating if food doesn't taste or smell as good as it used to.
- Social issues. If shopping is too difficult an errand or if your parents have money problems, they may not be buying groceries.
- Underlying conditions. Sometimes weight loss is a sign of a serious underlying condition, like malnutrition, dementia, depression or cancer.
Are your parents in good spirits?
Pay attention to your parents' moods, and ask how they're feeling. A drastically different mood or outlook could be a sign of depression or other health concerns.
Are your parents still social?
Talk to your parents about their activities. Are they connecting with friends? Have they maintained interest in hobbies and other daily activities? Are they involved in organizations, clubs or faith-based communities?
If a parent gives up on being with others, it could be a sign of a problem.
Are your parents able to get around?
Pay attention to how your parents walk. Are they hesitant or not able to walk usual distances? Have they fallen recently? Would a cane or walker help?
Muscle weakness and joint pain can make it difficult to move around. If your parents are not steady on their feet, they might be at risk of falling — a major cause of disability among older adults.
Taking action
There are many steps you can take to ensure your parents' health and well-being, even if you don't live nearby. Here's what experts recommend:
- Share your concerns. Talk to your parents. Encourage them to see a healthcare professional or make other changes. Consider including other people who care about your parents in the conversation, like close friends.
- Encourage regular medical checkups. If you're worried about a parent's physical or mental health, encourage your parent to schedule an appointment with a healthcare professional. You might offer to schedule the visit or to take your parent to the appointment. Keep track of follow-up visits as well.
- Address safety issues. Point out any potential safety issues to your parents — then make a plan to address the problems. For example, a higher toilet seat or handrails in the bathroom might help prevent falls.
- Consider home care services. If your parents agree, you could hire someone to clean the house and run errands. A home healthcare aide could help with activities like bathing. Meals on Wheels or other community services might prepare food.
- Bring up moving. If remaining at home is too challenging, you might start a conversation about moving to an assisted living facility.
- Contact a healthcare professional for guidance. If your parents dismiss your concerns, consider contacting their healthcare team directly. Keep in mind that a medical professional might need written permission from your parents to talk to you about their care.
- Seek help from local agencies. Your local Area Agency on Aging can connect you with services in your parents' area. For example, the county in which your parents live might have social workers who can connect them with services like home care workers.
Sometimes parents won't admit they can't do something on their own. Others don't realize they need help. That's where you come in. Make sure your parents understand the problem and your proposed solution.
Remind your parents that you care about them and that you want to help promote their health and well-being, both today and in the years to come.