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Helping Children Grieve

For School-age Children

I'm Paula Hampel, and I help children after somebody they love has died. If someone you love has died, you're really hurting. This is one of the hardest things you will go through. After the death of a loved one, some kids feel very different for a while. You might be wrestling with thoughts and emotions that seem to roll over you and maybe even through you, like giant waves. This is a very normal reaction to the loss of someone you love. We call this reaction grief. Here are some questions that other kids have asked about death and grief. These might help you too.

My feelings are all over the place. Is this normal? If someone you love has died, you may have feelings in your body that seem strange or different. You may feel sad or even mad. You may even feel happy sometimes. These feelings are a normal part of grieving. Feeling sad or happy are both okay. We're here to help you. Another experience a lot of kids have is feeling guilty. You might feel like it was your fault somehow or that you should have been able to prevent your loved one from dying. That's just not true. You might miss your loved one and feel very lonely. These thoughts and feelings can make it hard to pay attention at school or concentrate on the things you enjoy doing.

My body sometimes doesn't feel well. Is that normal? Yes. Lots of kids have stomach aches during this time. You might not be hungry even for your favorite foods. You might have trouble falling asleep or have bad dreams when you are sleeping. Spending time with people who make you feel safe and loved can help you feel a little better. Ask for help when you need it.

What happens to a person when they die? When someone dies, it means their heart stops beating and they no longer breathe. Their body no longer works. A person's body can't start working again no matter what we do or how hard we wish for them to come back. Death is a part of life. All things in nature are born and then eventually die. This is called the cycle of life, and it happens with plants, trees, animals, and people.

Could the same thing happen to me or other people in my family? Death isn't something you can catch. People die for many different reasons. Sometimes accidents can happen. Other times, a person might get very sick or hurt, and the doctors can't fix it no matter what they try to do to help.

How can I keep feeling close to my loved one? You might find comfort in holding onto something that belong to your loved one, like a favorite t-shirt or a blanket. There are lots of things you can do to keep your special memories so they will last. You can make a memory box and fill it with pictures or other special items that remind you of your loved one. If you had favorite traditions together, find someone to help you keep those going. Talk about the things you remember when you're doing your favorite things.

Will I ever feel better? Yes. Though you may always have moments of sadness. It's normal to have times of happiness and times when you feel sad. Grief is different for everyone. It's important to let yourself feel all of your emotions. But if you have feelings that are too big to handle or don't go away, reach out and tell someone that you need help. When it feels okay to you, it helps to talk about your feelings with people you trust. There will always be people around who love you very much and want to help you.

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