Try the 4 A's for stress relief

Stress can feel like lugging a backpack that's getting heavier by the minute. A busy life or overwork may feel overwhelming. Even happy events, like a wedding or promotion at work, can add to the weight.

When your stress level is greater than your ability to cope, you have a few options. Try using one of the 4 A's to reduce your stress: Avoid, alter, accept or adapt.

Avoid

Believe it or not, you can simply avoid a lot of stress. Here are some ideas:

  • Take control of your surroundings. Skip traffic by leaving early for work. Pack your lunch to avoid long takeout lines on a short break from work.
  • Avoid people who bother you. Have a co-worker who makes your jaw tense? Sit farther away at meetings or take extra steps to avoid passing their desk on the way to the restroom.
  • Learn to say no. Know your priorities. Speak up if your workload isn't manageable. Take a pass on coaching T-ball. Those around you will appreciate more time with a relaxed you.
  • Prioritize your to-do list. And be willing to drop less urgent items — both work and personal — on hectic days.

Alter

Of course, some problems can't be avoided. For those situations, you can attempt to change your situation for the better.

  • Communicate your feelings openly. Remember to use "I" statements, as in, "I feel frustrated by shorter deadlines and a heavier workload."
  • Ask others to change their behavior. If you're tired of being the target of a friend's jokes at parties, respectfully ask the friend to leave you out of the comedy routine.
  • Manage your time better. Lump together similar tasks, like phone calls, car errands or kid-related tasks.
  • State limits in advance. Instead of stewing over a colleague's nonstop chatter, politely start the conversation with, "I've got only five minutes to cover this."

Accept

Sometimes you may have no choice but to accept things the way they are. For those times try to:

  • Talk with someone you trust. You may not be able to change a frustrating situation, but your feelings are still legitimate. Talking it out with a friend may help you feel better.
  • Forgive. Holding a grudge is hard work. Letting go of anger will free you from more negative energy.
  • Practice positive self-talk. Instead of thinking, "I'm horrible with money, and I will never be able to control my finances," try this: "I made a mistake with my money, but I'm resilient. I'll get through it."
  • Learn from your mistakes. You can't change the fact that procrastination hurt your performance. But you can make sure you set aside more time in the future.

Adapt

Think you won't be able to cope? That's one of the biggest stressors. Changing your standards or expectations can be most helpful in dealing with stress.

  • Stop striving for perfection. Do you really need to vacuum and dust twice a week? Would macaroni and cheese be an OK substitute for homemade lasagna? Redefining success might result in a little less guilt and frustration.
  • Practice thought-stopping. Stop gloomy thoughts immediately. If you refuse to think of a stressful situation as negative, it may stop being negative.
  • Reframe your situation. Frustrated that you're home with a sick child? Look at it as an opportunity to bond, relax and catch up on laundry.
  • Adopt a mantra. Create a saying like, "I'm strong enough to handle this," and mentally repeat it in tough situations.
  • Create an assets column. Imagine all of the things that bring you joy in life, like vacation, children and pets. Thinking about that list when you're stressed can reconnect you to life's many joys.
  • Look at the big picture. Ask yourself, "Will this matter in a year or in five years?" The answer is often no. Realizing this can make a stressful situation seem less overwhelming.

Choosing the right technique

Stressors — good and bad — are a part of every life. Practice applying these techniques to balance your stress equation.

With practice, that once-heavy backpack will become your private bag of tricks. Soon, you'll be able to pull out just the tool that will keep you hiking through life at a steady clip.