Discovering an affair

When an affair is revealed, it often triggers powerful emotions for both partners. The partner who has been cheated on might feel traumatized by the betrayal of trust and loss of emotional safety. The partner that had the affair might fear that they'll never be forgiven. When an affair is first discovered, it can be hard to think clearly enough to make long-term decisions. Consider taking the following steps:

• Don't make rash decisions. If you think you might physically hurt yourself or someone else, seek help from a medical professional right away.
• Give each other space. The discovery of an affair can be intense. As you try to grasp what has happened, you might find yourself acting in unpredictable ways or doing things that you usually wouldn't. Give yourself and your partner some time. Try to avoid emotionally charged discussions as you begin the healing process.
• Seek support. It can help to share your experience and feelings with trusted friends or loved ones who support and encourage you. Avoid people who tend to be judgmental, critical or biased.
• Take your time. Even though you might have a deep desire to understand what has happened, don't go into the intimate details of the affair right away. Doing so without the guidance of a professional, such as a marriage counselor, might be harmful.