Recognizing when death is near

It's difficult to predict exactly when someone will die. As death approaches, however, your loved one might show signs indicating that the end of life is near. Look for:

  • Restlessness and agitation. Your loved one might frequently change positions.
  • Withdrawal. Your loved one might lose interest in friends or favorite activities.
  • Drowsiness. Your loved one might be drowsy, sleep more or have intermittent sleep.
  • Loss of appetite. Your loved one might eat and drink less than usual.
  • Pauses or other changes in breathing. This might happen when your loved one is asleep or awake.
  • Reports of seeing someone who has already died. Your loved one also may tell you that he or she is dying.

Providing comfort

Although you can't change what's happening to your loved one, you can help him or her feel as comfortable as possible — ideally with the support of palliative or hospice care specialists.

If your loved one: Try these comfort measures:
Is no longer eating or drinking Keep your loved one's mouth moist with ice chips or a sponge. Apply lip balm or petroleum jelly to his or her lips.
Has labored breathing Turn your loved one's head to the side. Place pillows beneath your loved one's head. Oxygen or a cool-mist humidifier also might help. Ask the medical team if medication might help.
Has incontinence Use incontinence pads or a catheter to keep your loved one dry and clean.
Can't speak Talk to your loved one in a soothing voice. Hold his or her hand.
Is agitated or confused Be calm and reassuring. Remind your loved one where he or she is and who is there. Ask the medical team for help if significant agitation occurs.
Seems to be in pain Ask the medical team to adjust your loved one's medication or treatment plan.
Has cold hands and feet Make sure there isn't a draft in the room. Turn up the heat and provide warm blankets.

Your loved one might also experience a brief, final surge of energy. Though it can be confusing to see your loved one with renewed vitality, remember that this is often a normal part of dying. If it happens, take advantage of the opportunity to enjoy your loved one and say your final goodbyes.

Keeping vigil

For many families, keeping vigil near a dying loved one's bed is a way to show support and love. If you decide to keep vigil, continue talking to your loved one. If you think your loved one would want to share this time with others, invite family members or close friends to show their support as well. Express your love, but also let your loved one know that it's all right to let go.

April 05, 2017 See more In-depth