Got Guilt? Here Are Tips On How To Cope

Monday, October 09, 2006

ROCHESTER, Minn. — You ate cake for breakfast, yelled at your husband on his way out the door, and haven't walked the dog all week.

Feel guilty? You bet. But guilt isn't all bad. A healthy sense of guilt can motivate you to do what's right and to consider the consequences of your actions.

But, on the other hand, guilt can be harmful. If feeling bad about your actions has progressed to feeling bad about your entire person — feeling shame, in other words — then guilt has taken a destructive turn. If guilt is causing you to feel unworthy, anxious or depressed, it's a good idea to seek help from a mental health professional.

If you are bothered by guilt and unsure how to proceed, these steps from the October issue of Mayo Clinic Women's HealthSource could help:

1. Assess the seriousness of the situation
Start by asking yourself some questions. Whom have I hurt and how has it affected that person? Were there other, better choices I could have made? How would I assess this situation for a friend?

2. Determine your level of responsibility
Were others involved in creating the events that led to your guilty feelings? Were some elements beyond human control? What can you do about the consequences?

3. Try to resolve matters
See whether you can resolve any negative consequences of your action. Doing something late may be better than doing nothing. Instead of feeling bad about yelling at your husband and neglecting the dog, take the dog for a long walk and leave your husband a note saying you don't know what you'd do without him.

4. Seek forgiveness
If you've hurt someone, ask for forgiveness and then make amends as best you can.

5. Let go
Once you've done everything you can, move on. Learn your lesson, but let go of self-punishing thoughts. Reassess your standards and consider whether they help make you a better person or simply set you up for failure.

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