Tips to cope with reawakened grief
Even years after a loss, you might continue to feel sadness when you're confronted with reminders of your loved one's death. As you continue healing, take steps to cope with reminders of your loss. For example:
- Be prepared. Anniversary reactions are normal. Knowing that you're likely to experience anniversary reactions can help you understand them and even turn them into opportunities for healing.
- Plan a distraction. Schedule a gathering or a visit with friends or loved ones during times when you're likely to feel alone or be reminded of your loved one's death.
- Reminisce about your relationship. Focus on the good things about your relationship with your loved one and the time you had together, rather than the loss. Write a letter to your loved one or a note about some of your good memories. You can add to this note anytime.
- Start a new tradition. Make a donation to a charitable organization in your loved one's name on birthdays or holidays, or plant a tree in honor of your loved one.
- Connect with others. Draw friends and loved ones close to you, including people who were special to your loved one. Find someone who'll encourage you to talk about your loss. Stay connected to your usual support systems, such as spiritual leaders and social groups. Consider joining a bereavement support group.
- Allow yourself to feel a range of emotions. It's OK to be sad and feel a sense of loss, but also allow yourself to experience joy and happiness. As you celebrate special times, you might find yourself both laughing and crying.
When grief becomes overly intense
There's no time limit for grief, and anniversary reactions can leave you reeling. Still, the intensity of grief tends to lessen with time.
If your grief gets worse over time instead of better or interferes with your ability to function in daily life, consult a grief counselor or other mental health provider. Unresolved or complicated grief can lead to depression and other mental health problems. With professional help, however, you can re-establish a sense of control and direction in your life — and return to the path toward healing.
Nov. 17, 2012
See more In-depth
- Block SD. Grief and bereavement. http://www.uptodate.com /index. Accessed Aug. 31, 2012.
- Dealing with the effects of trauma — A self-help guide. Substance Abuse and Mental Health Services. http://store.samhsa.gov/shin/content//SMA-3717/SMA-3717.pdf. Accessed Aug. 31, 2012.
- Holtslander L, et al. An inner struggle for hope: Insights from the diaries of bereaved family caregivers. International Journal of Palliative Nursing. 2008;14:478.
- Vale-Taylor P. "We will remember them": A mixed-method study to explore which post-funeral remembrance activities are most significant and important to bereaved people living with loss, and why those particular activities are chosen. Palliative Medicine. 2009;23:537.
- Benkel I, et al. Managing grief and relationship roles influence which forms of social support the bereaved needs. American Journal of Hospice and Palliative Medicine. 2009;26:241.
- Reminders of trauma: Anniversaries. United States Department of Veterans Affairs. http://www.ptsd.va.gov/public/pages/anniversary-reactions.asp. Accessed Aug. 31, 2012.